Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
