I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
