billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
