remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
