dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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