I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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