When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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