I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
