Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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