Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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