my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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