Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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