I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
don't judge my taste in strippers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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