I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
