just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
