Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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