I cannot find my penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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