Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
