yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
