My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
