I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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