Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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