Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
