5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
