I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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