I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
