I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
