If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
