My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
