I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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