Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
two words: eviction party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
