Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
