He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
