I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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