dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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