I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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