Where is the hickey?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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