so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
