Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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