i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
