first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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