Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
