Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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