No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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