you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
