Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Still dying that you shit outside
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
