She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
