I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
