So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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