i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
