Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
