Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
