Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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