Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
