Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
