There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
