singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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