I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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