well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Are we still banned from the library?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
